Progress Continues

Friday and I will be going over my 30 points but staying in the blue dots. Yay! Burger Friday evening. Good day and so glad I’m working from home next week. Turned in my position proposal and maybe I will be a telecommuter in a few months. Yay.

Yesterday I actually posted a Connect post. I’m not going to bother again. Not one comment. It is a weird space but I do like reading other posts. I doubt I will comment any more either. It does hurt the feelings when the “in crowd” gets thousands of posts and the rest are ignored. So I say screw it. I have my blog journal and if someone reads it, cool. If not, I don’t care. It is for me.

Electrical problems overnight and sleepus interuptus over and over again. So I slept in a bit and didn’t exercise. And no exercise this evening. I am not caring. And my ankle is doing well. I stopped the ibuprofen this afternoon. Yay! Time to check when Northstar opens.

Where's My Scale?

Of course I know where my scale is, sort of. I know DH hid it for me. But I will say that being on track and nearly angelic, it is hard to not want the "reward" of seeing the scale proclaiming success. Or in the case why I had him take it away, failure. I need to learn to just be with the concept this is my lifestyle. I eat responsibly and no other factor for "rewards" matters. Knowing that I am doing what keeps me healthy should be my reward. Perhaps I need to start chanting it. "I am keeping my health. I am keeping my health/" Maybe soon that will be enough.
On the flip side, it is nice to know that having salty foods won't make me mad the next morning. There is a freedom with that concept. I know my bras are fitting better so at the least, I know I am no longer gaining.
Mind games are interesting when you look at them objectively. I needed a scale fix and why, a reward. Stupid thought process. So it is interesting. I don't hear back from my boss so I figure they don't want me services beyond June 2020. I guess he could be busy but it starting to seem that is the case. Starting Jan 2020, I will begin to look for a telecommuting position because this job has lost its charm.
As an update, I have used my elliptical (really mild resistance) two days in a row while my ankle heals. I've also done the PT exercises because I hate not having my 10K steps per day. Hate hate hate it. At least I'm getting some exercise. Yesterday I did all the strength workout except the curtsy squats and the plies. Those used too much ankle strength. And calf raises were will mostly one leg. At least my left leg will be ready for the ski season.

Just When I Find My Groove

I am on day 14 of being on track, staying in my points and meeting my goals. Mostly. More on that late. So I should be happy but my gorgeous Kiki Bear, 6 month old puppy tiptoed up behind me and laid down yesterday. When I stepped backward, I rolled my ankle again and it was painful. Sinking to the floor painful. So no way is 10K steps allowed. My foot was finally getting a little better. So it is braced and propped up. Poor Kiki knew she caused my pain and was a lap dog the rest of the evening. I was going to do at least the strength training the morning but since I slept like crap, I just lollygagged in bed this morning. But enough on that. I will decide sometime soon if I need to go to the dr. But since it is a reinjury from 2 years ago, I already know what to do.
I am making good choices these days. I have the munchies but either quash them or track them. I am definitely happy with my progress to get on plan. Yesterday's munchies were grapes and I just shouldn't buy them, regardless they are 0 points. They have cals and I just want to eat them. Which has more calories, a grape or an M&M? I think I should Google it.OK, 2 cals in a grape and an M&M 3 calories. I guess the grape is still a better choice.
I didn't practice the oboe or piano this weekend. I don't know why I have trouble with that on weekends. I'd think that I could practice since I have more time. Didn't thankful journal this weekend but I did just now. 😂 But what I did do was stay on points and get me steps (pre sprained ankle).
So now the hard part. No exercise and lose weight? I don't think that will work. I've got to figure something out. Bike?

Finding the Groove. Again...

I wish the title's second sentence wasn't true. I wish I could maintain like a normal slender person. But no, I regain weight and go back down. Yo-yo dieting is bad and I know that. But that is my life. I shoulds just don't equate to I do. So here I am with my short two month plan to go through the holiday's without gaining more weight and intending to lose weight.

• I had DH remove the scale (regardless that WW wants a daily weigh in. Beyond the scale should mean beyond the scale. I am moving beyond the scale. Jan 2 will be weigh in day.
• I will track my food every F-in day
• I will eat my points in the blue zone (WW staying in range) at least 6 or 7 days
• I will will leave 2/3 of my weeklies on the table, so to speak, and not touch my fit points.
• I will reach 10K steps every day barring any nasty cold/flue virus attacking my will to move
• I will continue to drink 80 oz water per day. Look at the streak since April 1 (minus the one 72 oz day)
• I will express thanks to those around me
• I will journal my thanks a few times a week. Daily would be better.
• I will practice the piano 105 minutes per week (15 per day or nearly 2 hours in one sitting)
• I will practice the oboe 5 minutes 4 days per week (not good enough to do longer without my mouth and lungs exploding)

Go Husky-Girl Go! I can do this and I will do this.

Yesterday was a Success Despite the Scale

It's the self talks that do me in. The a bite here and there aren't important, the "that looks like 3 oz" when it isn't. So yesterday, when the scale went up significantly after 10 days of being good and on plan (I know I was good because I'm forcing myself to be really honest with myself on all choices), it was very discouraging. I mean, what are my choices when the scale goes up inexplicably? Feed my frustration with snacking? To an objective outsider, I can see where that makes absolutely no sense. But to an emotional eater, it makes a lot of sense. How many have had the self conversations "Well if I'm going to gain weight, I might as well make it enjoyable and eat". I'm guessing there are a lot of us out there. So I stood strong and persevered. I even had a point rollover. Since my goal this week is to have 2/3 of my weekly points left at the close of my WW week, I think I am on track. I have 41 points as of today and the goal is 23 points remaining. Success on my mini goal is on track.
I have a happiness journal but don't write in it very often. I slack on it. Then again, I slack on a lot of things I should be doing. My weak ankle needs the PT exercises I learned 2 years ago. I need to practice my piano more often and I need to start working on the oboe again. I need to seems to be a common thread. I have played the piano two days in a row and I found a built in tracker in ForScore. So that should keep me in line with that. Another goal? How about something easy to achieve? Practice 15 minutes 5 times a week? Another need to is flexibility and balance exercise. I've successfully added strength workouts 3 times a week and I'm getting 10K+ steps per day. But yoga is boring and I find reasons not to do it. Maybe it would be a good thing to add after work. Along with everything else. Clearly I am too busy to work. I need to be retired. 225 days and decreasing unless I become semi-retired.

Grrr. Love Being Good And Scale Going Up

Yep, the title of the post is sarcasm. Over a week of on track points and I have gained 2 pounds. How does one want to be good when the effect is the opposite of what should happen? I'm going with water and that all the prior overeating is now catching up with me. I have decided that I will weigh in in two weeks so that scale's non-progress does not derail me. I need to be on track and if flinging the damn scale out the window is the key, then I will do that. I know in my heart and brain I have been good and on track. Hence self honesty.
Good workout this morning. Mild to moderate on the aerobics but did the full round of strength training. I guess I am strong on the inside and mushy on the outside. Come to think of it, I've had some peaches like that. I guess I am just peach. Hahahahaha!!!

Weight Watchers New Plans

So yesterday I learned another change was coming to WW. When I saw the email, DH actually said, "They're changing it again?" I opened the app and to my surprise, they wised up and gave their diverse members 3 plans to choose from. I was so HAPPY when they put back Smart Points. I never left SP to freestyle because of the list of allergens that were to make up the 7 less points, but I had to REALLY manipulate the program, foods and recipes. Now I can just use the foods as in the app. Thank you WW for making my life easier. One side note, there are still lots of members that loved Points Plus, lost a lot of weight with it and you are losing them. There are apps out there that you can set points plus as your plan and use them. Boom, my WW stock goes down with a long time member giving up on the plan.
But for me, I am happy. I got my plan back so it is easy to track. And track I did . I have been on the wagon for a week and a day. All days but last Monday when I'd already had too many points by lunch was at 39 points. The rest of the week were blue dot days. What a sense of relief to not feel out of control. I was way out of control and now I am back in line.
I have a goal. An achievable but difficult goal. I want to always have 2/3 of my weekly points remaining at the end of a week. I think going for 100% is putting myself in for failure. But a little leeway and rollover points make it doable. Now, I am a horse and carrot person. I need to think of a non food reward on Jan 2 when I succeed. What will that be other than the %$^$%^^%*& scale moving in the correct direction?
On Friday I made an offer to not be 100% retired but 65% retired if I can work from home and do only the parts of my job that I really like (aka data work - the reason I went into database management). If my employer agrees, come Jan 1st I will have less income but will be infinitely more happy. I'm an eat when bored type of person and I can't be bored at home. I have too many fun things to do to be bored. At work I am often bored and another trigger, frustration, is rampant. So, if they agree, I will continue to work and won't have to build my quilting business overnight. We shall see.

At the win or lose stage

I've been on track and living the WW plan for 3 days. This is a point I tend to ease up. Not this time. I really want to lose what I gained. I still see a fatso in the mirror and I want that weight gone. I thought of a chocolate chip cookie and truly, honestly didn't want one. Could it be that I'm making progress? I hope so but I must stay vigilant. The devil on my should is always poking me with its stupid pitch fork.
This morning I went with my losing breakfast of a protein smoothie. OK I know that WW says you have to count the fruits as points in a smoothie because of some halfa$$ reason (time to finish). But since I sip it for hours, it lasts me way longer than a handful of strawberries. My jarrows unflavored whey protein, water and an orange crush (koolaid) with ice make a great snack that lasts all morning. Morning munchies are my downfall.
Being honest with myself and the non-looked at blog 😉, I like this new mindset. Not the why, the how but the truth in my own head. Perhaps I will be strong enough not to be derailed. I say perhaps because I have been derailed so often in the past year, that I know I am weak. But I also know I am not alone in that weakness.

Exercise Isn't Difficult. Not munching is near Impossible Day 3

I admit it. I like exercising. I love movement. Dancing, skiing, walking, exercise videos, biking. It is all good. I average well over 10K steps per day. But I gain weight.
Why?
Because I munch. At work when I'm bored, I want something to put in my mouth. Nearly anything will do. I HATE that!!!!
That said, I am actually still motivated. I'm on day 3 and that is something. There are moments I feel that deep conviction I felt when I lost weight. Do you know that feeling? Knowing deep in your gut that no one and nothing will derail you. I haven't felt that in a long time. I will conquer the weight I regained and get back to where I felt pretty.
Yes, felt pretty. I know that isn't politically correct but I want that feeling. Whether or not I was pretty or whether or not I am pretty now is inconsequential. It is how I feel in my own skin. Right now, I feel like a blob and I know in my head I am not. I wouldn't be so fit if I was a blob. But again, it doesn't matter if it is true or not. It is how I feel. And since feelings are what I eat, that is important. Keep in mind I despise body shamers but I seem to be okay with myself shaming just myself. WW saying I should be my own friend did make an impression as when I am negative about myself, their angel on my shoulder tells me to be nice to myself. But I think when you have chosen self-honesty as your weight loss/maintain motto, self calling a spade a spade is okay. At this point, saying "I am beautiful just as I am" isn't totally true and not totally a lie. It is somewhere in between. I, though, am for self-honesty and I KNOW I am not as beautiful as I was a year ago.

Still honest and pretty much on track

Yesterday when honesty bit me in the butt and I decided to get back on the wagon, I didn't feel really confident I would follow through. But here I am, 24 hours later, following later. I want this again. I don't even want a chocolate chip cookie. There - that is real progress. The candy bowl in my building isn't even looking tasty. I really, really want this. Like I did when I started in July 2017. I am going to make goal again and I am going to stay there!

I want. I can. I will.

Honest in My Brain is Best Policy

Honest in My Brain is Best Policy
How many times have I let the devil on my shoulder con my brain into ignoring the truth. I'm a very honest person except with myself. "Only one bite doesn't need tracking", "I don't care", "It was a half cup" when it was clearly a whole cup, or any of the rest of my self lies. And why do that? Really, why? Who am I hurting by sneaking food here and there?
ME!
And Only Me!
So my policy when I rejoined WW was I would be honest in my head. As honest as I am to everyone else. It is funny that if someone I trust asked me how many points I had this weekend, I would say 66 and 60 (approximately on the tracking because I did it after the fact and I was a munch head through and through). But what do I tell myself? "Well I wasn't too bad". Bull, I was a pig. And I do not care if WW says to be your own best friend. My besties would buy me the cookie and maybe two. So that just doesn't work. I have to face the truth that I have eaten like a pig and work to not do that.
My resolve has been to be honest in my brain and to track whether I like the final number (a subset of being honest to myself).
To be honest with myself and my blog, I am pleased that I am doing that because it is hard to quit if I'm being honest with myself. I do care and I want to stop gaining weight. And next Monday I will be honest with my WW weigh in and actually weigh in.