Reflecting on Self-Honesty

So I'm about a month into my vow to be honest with myself, especially in regards to my eating lifestyle, WW. First, has it been tempting to fudge my nibbles? Yes it has. But from my past experience, that leads to guilt and then often emotional eating.  Oh, then more guilt. More nibbles. You get the point. So self-honesty? I've got to say it works. I'm in control of my eating and my thoughts. What a novelty. Yesterday I had a handful of pretzel nuggets I hadn't tracked. My WW message had a rollover of 3 points. I looked at it and said, nope and went back and fixed yesterday's record. There is a certain amount of cleansing with that.
I admit there are days I want to weigh in to check on progress but I am going to make my resolve to wait until Jan. 2nd. Part of is not to let the scale beat me up and another part is using it to keep the holiday tracks on my chosen lifestyle and not leave me cast along side of the road. And thank you to my dermatologist office for not making me weigh in last week. I really didn't want to explain not wanting to know, especially when it wasn't the weigh in time of my day (no clothes, first thing in the morning).
So between the last two paragraphs, there is a hint of my issues -> environment playing mind games. The scale always plays with my mind. "Why bother" "Yay a loss" "I didn't deserve to gain" "If I've gained, then I should just eat and make it enjoyable"./ Any of these self-defeating statements apply??? The other environment is little lies derail me more than a co-worker offering me snacks, a candy dish on the way to the rest room, etc.
So I'm going strong and want to stay that way. Hell, I even told my BFF when she asked about a hooky trip from work to SBux that I just really want to stay on plan and not use Sbux points on my daily allotment. So not only am I being honest with myself, I've started being honest of my needs with my inner circle. When I lost all the weight two years ago, I did it without involving my DH because he worked swing shift and me days. Now he is retired and is the chief cook. In the past week, I have been saying things like "No that doesn't fit in my points budget" or "The sweet potatoes are too big. Do you want to split one or have one and a half?" Actually I had the whole thing since I found a small on in the bag. But the point is that I was standing up for what I need to be successful. Both DH and BFF were totally behind me to help. Who knew that was possible?

TGIF And being On Track

I love Fridays. Actually more than Saturdays because I like the anticipation of weekend. So I have nothing, nada planned for the weekend. I love it. I think I will wrap my Christmas gifts and quilt. And not munch on snacks all weekend. Maybe there will be snow at Crater Lake and we could go snow shoeing. That would be fun!
Blue dot days with WW. The self-honesty pledge has been going well. I remember when I first started WW in desperation reading on Connect someone posting that when you don't track every bite, you are only cheating yourself. I forgot that for a while. I like putting the bites down whether I stay in my points or not. Yesterday I was a point over and I was fine with that. I didn't put a point down for the spice cake bit I had at SBux on Wednesday. Pausing here to correct that...OK one less rollover point. Still a blue dot week!
I found Mrs. Butterworth Sugar Free Syrup on Monday and tried it on a pannacuchen this morning. It was awesome. 1/4 cup for 1 point. So my 1/2 Tbsp was 0 points. YAYAYAY! I tried it the other day in oatmeal and that was great. Same day I found clearance frozen turkeys for $0.68 pound so I bought a couple (and one for $0.98/pound). Tomorrow we're cooking one so yay for low point turkey. Traveling on T-day meant no leftovers and turkey is my very favorite food.
Yay weekend is just around the corner!

Not Quite What I Planned But So Much Better

My plan had been to have a perfect travel long weekend with WW blue dot days. Yeah, that didn't work. Thanksgiving was perfect. I even had 3 points roll over. Then Friday hit with skiing road travel stopped at Donner Summit (1.5 hour drive was 5 hours). The M&Ms were opened. Enough said. Saturday travel was boring and the M&Ms weren't gone. Yay, they still aren't gone so that's ok. Sunday was back on track as a blue dot day. What I did accomplish was leaving 7 weekly points in my app and today is a new week and not one eaten fit point. So I'd give myself a B+. Now a break to Christmas difficulties and then New Years.
Jan. 2 is weigh in day. Its been hard to not search for the scale. But I didn't ask for it back because I am on a quest. The plus side of not weighing and just staying on track is that I will eat foods that give me water weight gain the night before my weigh in day. That freedom is wonderful.
I have been getting the 10K+ steps per day regardless of the stupid ankle. I had an honest self-chat and realized that I would not want surgery (at this point) to fix it so I will keep doing the PT exercises and hope it gets stronger and is just a mild irritant like it was before the latest rolling.
Skiing was scary. So many people on one run. Four runs and done. Can't say I'd want to repeat it but I'm glad we went.
Finding Connect better these days since I realized I was only seeing "trending" posts. New posts are lost and is the reason that I don't get comments. By clicking on the New option, I'm seeing more realistic posts. Not all the golden stars with their perfection. I like it so much more now.

Progress Continues

Friday and I will be going over my 30 points but staying in the blue dots. Yay! Burger Friday evening. Good day and so glad I’m working from home next week. Turned in my position proposal and maybe I will be a telecommuter in a few months. Yay.

Yesterday I actually posted a Connect post. I’m not going to bother again. Not one comment. It is a weird space but I do like reading other posts. I doubt I will comment any more either. It does hurt the feelings when the “in crowd” gets thousands of posts and the rest are ignored. So I say screw it. I have my blog journal and if someone reads it, cool. If not, I don’t care. It is for me.

Electrical problems overnight and sleepus interuptus over and over again. So I slept in a bit and didn’t exercise. And no exercise this evening. I am not caring. And my ankle is doing well. I stopped the ibuprofen this afternoon. Yay! Time to check when Northstar opens.

Where's My Scale?

Of course I know where my scale is, sort of. I know DH hid it for me. But I will say that being on track and nearly angelic, it is hard to not want the "reward" of seeing the scale proclaiming success. Or in the case why I had him take it away, failure. I need to learn to just be with the concept this is my lifestyle. I eat responsibly and no other factor for "rewards" matters. Knowing that I am doing what keeps me healthy should be my reward. Perhaps I need to start chanting it. "I am keeping my health. I am keeping my health/" Maybe soon that will be enough.
On the flip side, it is nice to know that having salty foods won't make me mad the next morning. There is a freedom with that concept. I know my bras are fitting better so at the least, I know I am no longer gaining.
Mind games are interesting when you look at them objectively. I needed a scale fix and why, a reward. Stupid thought process. So it is interesting. I don't hear back from my boss so I figure they don't want me services beyond June 2020. I guess he could be busy but it starting to seem that is the case. Starting Jan 2020, I will begin to look for a telecommuting position because this job has lost its charm.
As an update, I have used my elliptical (really mild resistance) two days in a row while my ankle heals. I've also done the PT exercises because I hate not having my 10K steps per day. Hate hate hate it. At least I'm getting some exercise. Yesterday I did all the strength workout except the curtsy squats and the plies. Those used too much ankle strength. And calf raises were will mostly one leg. At least my left leg will be ready for the ski season.

Just When I Find My Groove

I am on day 14 of being on track, staying in my points and meeting my goals. Mostly. More on that late. So I should be happy but my gorgeous Kiki Bear, 6 month old puppy tiptoed up behind me and laid down yesterday. When I stepped backward, I rolled my ankle again and it was painful. Sinking to the floor painful. So no way is 10K steps allowed. My foot was finally getting a little better. So it is braced and propped up. Poor Kiki knew she caused my pain and was a lap dog the rest of the evening. I was going to do at least the strength training the morning but since I slept like crap, I just lollygagged in bed this morning. But enough on that. I will decide sometime soon if I need to go to the dr. But since it is a reinjury from 2 years ago, I already know what to do.
I am making good choices these days. I have the munchies but either quash them or track them. I am definitely happy with my progress to get on plan. Yesterday's munchies were grapes and I just shouldn't buy them, regardless they are 0 points. They have cals and I just want to eat them. Which has more calories, a grape or an M&M? I think I should Google it.OK, 2 cals in a grape and an M&M 3 calories. I guess the grape is still a better choice.
I didn't practice the oboe or piano this weekend. I don't know why I have trouble with that on weekends. I'd think that I could practice since I have more time. Didn't thankful journal this weekend but I did just now. 😂 But what I did do was stay on points and get me steps (pre sprained ankle).
So now the hard part. No exercise and lose weight? I don't think that will work. I've got to figure something out. Bike?

Finding the Groove. Again...

I wish the title's second sentence wasn't true. I wish I could maintain like a normal slender person. But no, I regain weight and go back down. Yo-yo dieting is bad and I know that. But that is my life. I shoulds just don't equate to I do. So here I am with my short two month plan to go through the holiday's without gaining more weight and intending to lose weight.

• I had DH remove the scale (regardless that WW wants a daily weigh in. Beyond the scale should mean beyond the scale. I am moving beyond the scale. Jan 2 will be weigh in day.
• I will track my food every F-in day
• I will eat my points in the blue zone (WW staying in range) at least 6 or 7 days
• I will will leave 2/3 of my weeklies on the table, so to speak, and not touch my fit points.
• I will reach 10K steps every day barring any nasty cold/flue virus attacking my will to move
• I will continue to drink 80 oz water per day. Look at the streak since April 1 (minus the one 72 oz day)
• I will express thanks to those around me
• I will journal my thanks a few times a week. Daily would be better.
• I will practice the piano 105 minutes per week (15 per day or nearly 2 hours in one sitting)
• I will practice the oboe 5 minutes 4 days per week (not good enough to do longer without my mouth and lungs exploding)

Go Husky-Girl Go! I can do this and I will do this.